Things Non-Participants Think They Know About Your Church – And Don’t Like
Everywhere I go I find church leaders working very hard – or at least dreaming fervently – about having more people in church. The most insightful realize that clever marketing programs won’t seal the deal. They also recognize that a lot of “those people” really have no clue about the church. You can’t bring people back to someplace they’ve never been. However, there are a number of things we need to recognize about powerful attitudes. Most people outside the church can give you a list of complaints about Christians; it doesn’t help that those of us on the inside could probably double the list. Apocryphally or not, Gandhi is famously supposed to have said: “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” If only he were a lone voice, the exception that proves the rule.
We certainly have an image problem, especially when certain, self-proclaimed, Christian leaders are vociferous in their advocacy of policies and politicians that many find abhorrent. Marrying a particular political or social stance to faith as the only “Christian” response seems very far from the pattern of the Teacher from Nazareth. The greater the distance our personal convictions are from those celebrated as “Christian” in the media, the larger the challenge of identifying ourselves. Even if we can establish that difference, self-identification that begins “but we’re not like those folks” isn’t terribly positive. Some folk would argue that we’re being unfairly targeted, we’re not understood. That may be true, but I think it’s deeper. Sure, we get misunderstood and misrepresented on some issues but that’s not really in our control. There are some things that are in our control.
Often, we are not different enough. After all, what’s to choose if our approach to people, our response to our neighbours and co-workers, our gossip and so on are indistinguishable from those who make no claim to faith? For instance, most of the self-identified Christian presence on social media reveals condemnation of any number of differences, gender identities, even political views. Is this what Jesus intended when he told us not to judge? Have you ever met anyone judged into a genuine change? The next one I meet will be the first! Judgments and criticisms, tossed off so casually, can be devastating to others. Where judgement is operating is love present? Can we love someone and simultaneously constantly judge them? Without giving up on the faithful calling to distinguish right from wrong and good from evil, we can relinquish judgmentalism – the pernicious habit of always needing to build ourselves up by putting others down. If we really do believe in a God of love, shouldn’t that show?
There is an ancient complaint about followers of Christ who behave one way on Sunday and another the rest of the week. The term is hypocrite and labelling someone else is far easier than looking inside and admitting. But the truth is I rarely live up to my own best standards and intentions, much less anything demanded by my Christian discipleship. Like Paul I can say: “I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Romans 7:15). It’s a life work to become the people we dare to dream we could be. Deciding to be different is not enough. Attending to our deeds and our words, remembering that we are constant advertisements for what we claim to believe, being humble and acknowledging when we fall short – all are important signs of our openness.
What about our friendships? Here I think folk in the formerly mainline denominations may actually have an advantage. In much of the literature I read, there seems to be an assumption that “Christians” only hang with other believers, not “non-Christians.” Your friends come from the religiously and spiritually like-minded. Jesus followers are often urged to make friendships and connections with non-churchgoers, largely for evangelistic purposes.
That’s not my experience. What I’ve seen suggests that mainline/oldline churchgoers have lots of connections outside of church. Their clergy may be an exception! For a variety of reasons, our congregations are not the closed environment that I often read of in other parts of the tradition. Generally, we don’t proclaim fear of or despair for, the world. However, there are other commonalities. Because folk in my tribe tend to be quite shy in expressing their faith, the experience of them as Jesus followers is situational and observational rather than relational (see a previous paragraph about how that often works out!) You might do this or invite folk in your leadership group to consider: who do you hang out with? When was the last time you had a meal with someone of a different economic, social, cultural or political persuasion? What did you talk about? Did you mention faith in any way, shape or form? Presumably if it’s a real friendship then it gets at real issues and, for you, that ought to touch on (if not focus on) faith. Can you talk about that naturally? Can your congregation members?
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